


You Have to Live For You

by mggislife2789



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Coming Out, Everyone Is Gay, Gay, Gay Bashing, Gay Male Character, Kisses, LGBTQ Character of Color, M/M, Slurs, Sneaking Around
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-06
Updated: 2018-03-06
Packaged: 2019-03-27 22:49:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13890777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mggislife2789/pseuds/mggislife2789
Summary: Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters or their original stories. This is only for fun. It's where my brain goes after the credits roll. No copyright intended. Better safe than sorry. ;)





	You Have to Live For You

Stiff hair brushed against Spencer’s chin as Luke pulled away. “I have to go.”

“Why?” Spencer asked wistfully, bringing his face back toward him by the tip of his index finger. “Don’t go.” He kissed him again. “I want to stay here and kiss you all night.”

Luke leaned his forehead against Spencer’s and smiled. “I’d like to do that too, but you know the types of people that pass around here at night. We’d both be vulnerable in this town of backwoods idiots, and the rest of my team is going to be passing here on their way to dinner. We can’t get caught.”

Spencer’s relaxed smile started to fade from his face. He kissed Luke one more time before separating. “You’re going to meet them at dinner right?”

“Yea, I have to keep up appearances.”

“Okay,” Spencer said solemnly. “I’ll talk to you later?”

Luke forced a smile and nodded enthusiastically. “Of course.” He turned to leave, but spun around one more time to say just one more thing. “Spence?”

“Yea?”

“You know I love you, right?”

Despite the situation they found themselves in, he smiled. “I do now.”

They said goodbye again and Spencer promised to text Luke when he got home safe. It was never good for him to be alone with his own mind. That’s when he spiraled.

Coming out of the closet was no small feat. It had taken Spencer nearly three years of talking with his mother about who he truly was before he felt comfortable enough to admit it to her face. I’m gay. But when he said it the weight had been lifted. With that push, he’d been able to say it to his friends, and soon the school and even their small town knew it. Most people congratulated him for being brave, while a select few, inside and outside of school, bullied him relentlessly; he’d always been a nerd though so he was used to it. Now, he was just a gay nerd.

Luke on the other hand was the epitome of popular high-school jock. He was on the football team. Known he was gay for a very long time, but because of his status in school, he was scared to let everyone know who he truly was. He’d even “dated” a couple of girls in order to keep up the charade. 

Spencer knew that Luke loved him - he believed that with every fiber of his body, but it was so hard to feel that way when he couldn’t even admit to those around him that he was in love with a man. Hopefully, he would be able to say it from the rooftops one day with Spencer’s hand linked in his own. 

Nearly half of junior year passed in the same way it had before. Spencer and Luke would sneak around whenever and wherever they could to spend time together. Since Diana new about her son, she allowed Luke to come over frequently; he still hadn’t told his parents for fear of what they’d say. “You’re always welcome here,” Diana said.

Then everything changed. Luke had a big game; he was hoping to go to college on a football scholarship and a scout from his first-choice college sat on the sidelines watching his every move.

Before going off to play, he snuck into an alley between two buildings of the school to meet Spencer. “Good luck,” he said as he kissed him.

Luke sunk into the feeling, tuning all other sound and the nerves of his big game out of his mind. Apparently, one of his teammates had been calling his name, but he hadn’t heard and until TJ was there, standing at the opposite end of the alley. “Well, well, Alvez.”

Spencer was about to say something when Luke asked him to keep things a secret. “Sure. For a price?” TJ was Luke’s least favorite teammate - a bigot, misogynist and all-around asshole. 

Luke’s shoulders hunched, his heart racing. “What do you want?”

“Do my math homework for the rest of the year.”

In desperation, Spencer whispered. He didn’t want him to do this. But he still wasn’t comfortable enough to confess to everyone who he actually was. “Fine. Just keep quiet.”

“Deal,” TJ replied smugly.

Quickly, he turned to Spencer and told him he had to go. Up against the wall, Spencer allowed a few quick tears to fall from his eyes before going to the stands to cheer Luke on.

“Babe, I don’t know! I don’t know when I’m going to be comfortable enough to tell people! You think I don’t want to be able to tell people around us how in love with you I am?”

Spencer walked up and wrapped his arms around his exasperated boyfriend. “I know this can’t be easy for you. It wasn’t for me either. What can I do to help?”

“Be there,” Luke said emphatically. “Take us away so I don’t have to live in fear in this ass-backwards town.” 

Sitting down on Spencer’s bed, Luke pulled his knees up and curled into a ball. “I just want to feel okay with myself.”

“Well, how do you feel when you’re with me?” Spencer asked.

Luke looked up from where he was sitting and reached out his hand. “Free.” His fingers grazed the inside of Spencer’s palm. “I feel right I guess. I don’t know if that makes any sense.”

“It does,” Spencer said. “Well, from what it sounds like you’re already halfway there. You are comfortable with yourself. It’s about being yourself around others.”

Nodding, he leaned his head into Spencer’s shoulder. “I feel like I could tell my mom now, but I don’t know about my dad. He doesn’t really talk about gay people so I have no idea how he’d feel. Latino men are supposed to be ‘macho’ and apparently gay and macho can’t go together. I just don’t want to let him down you know.”

“I do,” Spencer said softly, tipping his boyfriend’s head upward with his index finger. “But you know that if he had a problem it would be him letting you down, not the other way around.”

He did know. But that didn’t make it any easier. 

Spencer continued. “I can’t come out for you, but maybe try feeling things out at home. See what they think. Maybe your dad won’t have any issues and then at least you could be out at home. That would be a big step.”

“Yea, but then everyone else,” Luke replied. His head hurt.

There was something that Spencer had learned throughout his life that he felt Luke needed to hear. “Know that I only say this because I love you, but I’ve come to learn that no matter what you do, you won’t please everyone. You’ve been able to do that your entire life so far. Your parents love you. You’re popular. All the girls fawn over that amazing beard. Sooner or later though, you won’t be able to make everyone like you.”

“I know, but…” He didn’t know what to say.

“You have to live for you,” Spencer said, wrapping his arm around Luke and bringing him closer. “You have to make yourself happy. Live your own life. People will gravitate toward you because of that, and the ones that don’t aren’t worth your time anyway. When it comes to bullying, you’re like the most physically imposing guy on the team, so no one would fuck with you and I don’t think any of the girls in school would care either. Worse comes to worst and we’re out of this shit town in less than two years.”

Luke had a lot to think about. “Maybe you’re right. I’ll work on it. Baby steps though, okay?”

“Of course,” Spencer replied. “And I’ll help if I can.”

“Just tell him, preciosa,” his mother whispered, patting her son on the shoulder. He had managed to tell his mother who instantly asked if Spencer was his boyfriend because if he was, she approved. His father had been a different story though. No matter how close he got, he ended up backing out. 

Luke swallowed hard against the insistent lump in his throat. “Are you sure he won’t hate me, mama?”

“Yes. And if I thought it was even a possibility I would divorce his ass,” she said proudly. 

Her son chuckled softly, making his way into the living room where his father sat. His heart beat what felt like a thousand times a minute as he approached, sitting down beside him. “Dad, I need to tell you something.”

“What is it?” He asked. His eyes were soft with concern, darting between his son and his wife who was standing in the doorway. “Luke what’s wrong?”

“N-Nothing,” he stuttered, shaking his head. “Dad, I’m gay.” It came out so quickly he surprised himself. “I’ve known it for a while but I didn’t want you to hate me so that’s why I didn’t tell you.”

His father started to tear up slightly and it made Luke’s heart drop. Immediately, he noticed Luke’s fear and grabbed his hand. “I’m only sad that I ever made you feel like you couldn’t tell me. I want you to love who you want to love. No matter who that is.”

Luke broke down into tears, sobbing against his father’s shoulder for nearly fifteen minutes before calming himself down. “Are you seeing anyone?” His father asked.

“Yea,” he replied, smiling as Spencer’s face shot to the forefront of his mind. “You know my friend Spencer?”

“That lanky, geeky boy? I like him.”

“I’m glad,” Luke chuckled softly. “Did you want to meet him?” He looked between both of his parents. “Like officially, I mean.”

“Yes,” his father replied. “I have to make sure he knows not to mess with my son’s heart.”

“Oh my god, dad, don’t.”

After meeting his parents, Spencer finally felt like they were moving in the right direction. It gave him hope that one day they’d be out and proud to everyone they knew whether those people like it or not. He was still doing TJ’s math homework, and weeks earlier had been coaxed into doing the science as well in return for continued silence. 

In his desperation for true freedom, Luke had been tuning into everyone’s thoughts on sexuality. For the most part, it seemed like most of the other students were fairly open-minded, having different opinions than their parents, but there were quite a few who were violently bigoted. Spencer’s words always stuck in the back of his mind though. You have to live for you. What Luke wanted was to walk through the hallway hand-in-hand with Spencer. He wanted to sit together at lunch at act like a couple. He wanted to take his boyfriend to prom next year and not have to go with a girl for ‘cover.’

“Hey, Spence?” He asked.

“Yea?”

“Tomorrow, when we get to school, are you okay with walking in holding my hand?”

Spencer smiled and nodded. “Yes.”

Luke threw TJ’s homework to the side. “Good, because I’m going to march right up to that asshole and throw his homework in his face and you’ll be there and then everyone will know. I can’t make everyone happy and keeping this inside is making me miserable, so screw it.”

Walking up to his side, Spencer pressed his lips to Luke’s. “I’m proud of you.”

The following day they arrived at school at around the same time. “Are you sure?” Spencer asked.

Nervously, Luke said yes. When his hand first slipped into Spencer’s, Luke’s heart raced, but they crossed student after student, and other than the occasional stare, no one said anything - and anyone that did said congratulations. A couple of the teachers seemed to look down at them, but Spencer just stared them down until they felt uncomfortable and looked away. 

“Your football team is going to know now. You sure you’re good?”

Luke nodded more confidently than moments earlier and strode into their homeroom with Spencer trailing behind him. “Hey TJ!”

The other boy snapped his head toward Luke, eyes widening in surprise. “Never pegged you for a fag.”

It stung like a dagger, but he pulled TJ’s homework from his bag and through it on the desk. “Don’t act like you didn’t know. Do your own homework.”

As the bell rang, TJ looked on in shock while Luke and Spencer went to their desks with smiles on their faces.

During class, Luke got text after text from the members of his team, saying how they thought TJ was an asshole and they hoped that he was happy.

For the first time in years, he could say that he was. Sure there would come some days when everything wasn’t so perfect, but for now, he was happy. He was living for himself.


End file.
